Word Vomit

“If you do not run your subconscious mind yourself, someone else will run it for you.”

Well thanks, Florence. I take my hat off in your honor.


Back in April, I had a tough conversation with one of my friends. He unintentionally made a rude comment that alluded to my trivial past. I was pissed.

When I finally mustered the courage to talk to him, I found my voice trembling, my gut knotty, and my hands clammy. I barely spit out the words, “I feel…,” before my head started wobbling back and forth with anxiety.

Sounds strange right? It is. I know. But this “look” was quite normal for me.

Like Sandra Bullock in the movie Speed, my emotions used to drive the bus. Logic was the passenger.

Like Cady Heron in Mean Girls, emotions used to spew out like word vomit. Logic was pent up in my head.

But suddenly losing my mom and best friend were extremely hard on my being. For seventeen years, “numbing” was my favorite 7-letter word.

In my professional life, I was prone to panic attacks, negative thoughts, and feelings of doubt. When the going got tough, I just gave up.

In my personal life, I was riddled with discontent. At times, I hated myself. I kept my opinions inside because I logically couldn’t put them into words [insert conversation with my friend here].

But after thirty-six years, I finally have a grip on life. It just took a lot of work and a lot of relearning. To me, the Jeff of 6 months ago is unrecognizable.


Florence Scovel Shinn was an American artist and metaphysical writer from the 20th century. She is most well known for her book, The Game of Life and How to Play It.

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